take care of yourself

[attitude]

Every time that Faye thought she'd finally learned to accept her pregnancy in full, something came about to prove her wrong. In some ways, it felt like taking regular steps towards some blurred and as of yet uncertain destination. Telling Dean had been the first big step, one that left her feeling exposed and shaky at best, to learn that someone else was much more prepared for the changes to come than she was herself. Recognizing each symptom thereafter had been an almost painful process, one which drew out a sense of lingering paranoia. Were her aches caused by the pregnancy? Was she losing sleep because of anxiety? Was she, could she, had she— an endless myriad that never seemed to solve for itself, because some answers simply couldn't be had no matter how great the effort to root them out.

And that morning, she'd come across yet another problem: the clothes that she'd picked out for herself at the beginning of the month, skin-tight and every bit as capable of exuding confidence as the bright yellow she used to wear, were somehow too small around the waist.

Naturally, Faye knew that the changes had taken place since day one. But in some way, the baby was still a distant notion at the start. Fatigue, she could blame on the mental stress. Nausea, she could blame on poor eating habits. But a thickening of her waist felt somehow undeniable, because Faye Valentine was not one to let herself go to any extent, and her size had remained constant since she woke up in that chamber those few years ago.

Something else was changing, and still Faye felt like she was digging her heel stubbornly against all of it.

For the time being, her solution was to snag a shirt out of the several that Dean sometimes left at her place, before slipping on the loosest pair of jeans she had. Maybe she didn't look like much, but at least it masked the constant thrum of her chest as she took a deep breath, setting out for the common dining room, even if she had the lingering suspicion that her nausea would make it hard to keep anything down.


[ Dated April 20th, this is the post for anyone who knows Faye and wants to hear about baby stuff first-hand from her! ST/LT welcome, no limit, go wild. (Sorry for being slow enough to require backdating.) ]

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[radical_cowgirl]

Edward kept walking, the realization of what Faye had just said not quite penetrating the confused haze this conversation was casting over her head. But when it did sink in, when Edward realized that Faye was asking about kids because Faye was really getting one, she tripped. Her feet just... stopped and the rest of her didn't. She tumbled all the way to the floor and looked up, blinking.

Faye-Faye was going to have a family. Like Edward used to have. Faye-Faye was going to have a family.

[attitude]

"Ed!"

Out of all of the possible reactions, Faye didn't honestly expect for Edward to go tumbling, and she found herself immediately worried, brow furrowed. Was it sheer shock? Was it Edward starting to be upset? Most importantly, she hoped that Edward hadn't overly injured herself with the tumble; as resilient as the teenager had proven to be, Faye knew that one could only be so hardy.

"Edward, are you okay?" she asked, quickly dropping to her knees and helping Edward up, hands wrapped around the girl's shoulders.

[radical_cowgirl]

"Edward is fine." She clambered to her feet, not looking at Faye because she didn't know what her face was doing. Faye-Faye was really good at reading Edward's face (not that it was ever hard), but she didn't want Faye to see this. Because Edward didn't know what it was. She felt something. She felt something a lot, but she didn't have a name for it and it might be bad and she didn't want Faye to think that it was bad about her because...

...she would leave.

So after a moment, Edward smiled. She knew she could do that. Do it good enough maybe to fool Faye when she looked up. "Ed is fine."

[attitude]

The smile took a couple seconds too long. Wasn't natural, wasn't quirky, wasn't easy in the way that so many of Edward's smiles were. Frankly, Faye didn't know full well how to make Edward smile. It was one of those elusive skills that had slipped by her entirely, and most days, she didn't try, because no matter how much she tried to examine it, it seemed that Edward was most happy when Faye was being herself.

And there was such a thing as not reading too far into a good thing.

But this was different. There was something which lingered in the air, probably acknowledged by both inside, but otherwise ignored. "I wanted to tell you, Edward, because I need you to understand that this doesn't change anything," she said. "Us girls still need to stick together. Actually, I might come to need your help even more than I did before."

[radical_cowgirl]

Help? What kind of help? The kind where it kept Edward out of the way? Helping by doing things that weren't there. Somewhere she wouldn't get in the way. Somewhere in the background where... it would be like she left. Like Faye was gone and it was just Edward again.

But she couldn't say no-no, because that was mean and Edward didn't want to be mean. Being mean might make it worse and that strange feeling tightened in her chest again. "Edward won't do anything wrong, promise."

[attitude]

Although it wasn't exactly like her, even though it was a bit of a stretch, Faye reached out then, ruffling Edward's unruly hair with careful fingers and offering a soft smile. Oh, it was unfair. Everything about the entire situation was unfair. But the very least she could do was to make sure that her relationship with Edward was salvaged, and to make sure the girl still had support through her formative years. Once Edward became an adult, well.

Then whether or not she stayed would be entirely up to her.

"In case you haven't noticed, you don't make mistakes half as often as I do," Faye joked. "In a few months, I won't be able to see my own feet. I may need your help making sure I put on the right shoes."

[radical_cowgirl]

"Why does Faye wear shoes at all?" It was a safe question, one she could use to not think about what she wasn't thinking about. It was a good question, too, because Edward never wore shoes. She never needed them. She was fine without them.

Or socks. Socks were stranger than shoes. What were they for? Even if you had to wear shoes because of the ground, why would you put socks on in between? It just didn't make sense.

[attitude]

"They protect your feet. You've seen where we travel, you've seen snow, you've seen the desert. A lady's skin just isn't made to protect against all of the elements, and I'm not about to harden my soles through abuse to my feet," she replied, brow furrowing at the thought. No doubt that it struck her how irrelevant of a question it was, but such was Edward's way. One never knew what she'd ask.

"Plus, shoes can give the impression that you're taller. Or help to make the appearance of your calves more pleasant. Call it a point of vanity."

[radical_cowgirl]

Looking down at her legs, Edward frowned. Her legs were the right shape, weren't they? They weren't bumpy in any of the wrong places.

Edward just didn't understand some things.

A lot of things, really.

"Edward doesn't like shoes."