take care of yourself

[attitude]

Every time that Faye thought she'd finally learned to accept her pregnancy in full, something came about to prove her wrong. In some ways, it felt like taking regular steps towards some blurred and as of yet uncertain destination. Telling Dean had been the first big step, one that left her feeling exposed and shaky at best, to learn that someone else was much more prepared for the changes to come than she was herself. Recognizing each symptom thereafter had been an almost painful process, one which drew out a sense of lingering paranoia. Were her aches caused by the pregnancy? Was she losing sleep because of anxiety? Was she, could she, had she— an endless myriad that never seemed to solve for itself, because some answers simply couldn't be had no matter how great the effort to root them out.

And that morning, she'd come across yet another problem: the clothes that she'd picked out for herself at the beginning of the month, skin-tight and every bit as capable of exuding confidence as the bright yellow she used to wear, were somehow too small around the waist.

Naturally, Faye knew that the changes had taken place since day one. But in some way, the baby was still a distant notion at the start. Fatigue, she could blame on the mental stress. Nausea, she could blame on poor eating habits. But a thickening of her waist felt somehow undeniable, because Faye Valentine was not one to let herself go to any extent, and her size had remained constant since she woke up in that chamber those few years ago.

Something else was changing, and still Faye felt like she was digging her heel stubbornly against all of it.

For the time being, her solution was to snag a shirt out of the several that Dean sometimes left at her place, before slipping on the loosest pair of jeans she had. Maybe she didn't look like much, but at least it masked the constant thrum of her chest as she took a deep breath, setting out for the common dining room, even if she had the lingering suspicion that her nausea would make it hard to keep anything down.


[ Dated April 20th, this is the post for anyone who knows Faye and wants to hear about baby stuff first-hand from her! ST/LT welcome, no limit, go wild. (Sorry for being slow enough to require backdating.) ]

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[attitude]

Faye frowns, pulling herself up from where her forehead rests against her palm, and immediately regrets it. Not that she's about to run off to a toilet just yet, but the world seems to shift under her feet, and that definitely feels none too pleasant. More importantly though, what was it about her that gave it away? Was there just some big sign over her head that goes, pregnant! This woman is with child.

She hope not. Ruins her image.

"Was it that obvious?" she asks, curling into herself and suddenly feeling more insecure. Irritation bleeds away with her worry, settling in the quick furrow of her brow.

[attitude]

"You've got two girls that you're looking after; I thought all parents were up and eager to give their tips and warnings to those who haven't yet had the joy," I mutter, trying to keep myself from feeling too irrationally ruffled by his snort. He's just making sure I know he's got no plans to act superior about all this. That's all. I shouldn't be irritated; he's being friendly.

God, but it takes a lot more to rein my impulses in line lately.

[attitude]

"Yeah, I noticed that," Faye said hesitantly, frowning at the thought. No doubt that Edward was advanced enough— certainly intellectually, and if Faye were to be honest, physically she was getting there too— to not quite fit in with the majority of kids on the island, and no doubt that her previous days of staying around the orphanage were long gone. She wasn't sure why she'd hoped that the experience would make it easier for Edward to adjust to the coming baby, but she felt a new thread of tension now that she hadn't anticipated, and her stomach turned at the thought.

Maybe just out with it, she thought.

"I wanted to ask, because... Edward, there might be a baby entering the picture soon," Faye said, keeping her language conservative, because god only knew that if she started taking the baby for granted, something might happen. And however afraid she was of having a child, losing it would have been a million times worse.

[victorofthe65th]

He'd expected her to laugh it off and maybe call him some colorful name so her actual reaction makes him frown in concern and he reaches out to lightly rest his hand on her shoulder.

"Maybe you should lie down for awhile," he says as he gets to his feet, boots once again clunking on the hard floor. "Here, I'll go get you some water."

[notfaking_it]

Lily laughed, then covered her mouth, looking at Faye apologetically. For the first time in weeks, she felt like herself, she felt like she could be happy for someone else, that there were still people here whose well being she cared about and while that in itself was unusual, apparently it had gotten difficult to become detached from them again. She didn't want to be detached.

"No, you're right, it's not a good enough reason," she agreed. "But he's happy, that's all. I mean, I don't know him at all, but that seems like a good reaction. Preferable to him getting angry with you or telling you that you're on your own with this, right?" While she was sure Faye was capable of doing something like this on her own, it was better that Dean wanted to be around. Better still that he was excited about it. There was something definitely sweet about that and Lily grinned, then nodded at the chairs. "Come on, sit down. Tell me more about it."

[radical_cowgirl]

"Why?" It was a simple question, but it belied the growing confusion in Edward's mind. Why was Faye-Faye so interested in kids all of a sudden? Did she find one somewhere?

"Faye-Faye, what's wrong, Faye-Faye?"

[attitude]

With a heavy sigh, Faye shakes her head fervently before slumping slightly over the table, deep breath in, deep breath out. "No, I've done more than enough lying down lately," she insists, frowning. "It's not good for the—"

Somehow, it's hard to get the words out, and that just makes Faye roll her eyes harder at herself.

"I'm pregnant, not coming down with the plague," she says, not sure whether or not it's relief that rises up the back of her neck once the words are out.

[attitude]

"If he was that kind of guy, I would have dumped him long ago," Faye frowned, nose wrinkling at the thought. Not a girl who saw herself as needing or necessarily even wanting a guy on her arm to begin with— not since she woke up those couple of years before, mind blissfully free of memories— Faye knew that she wouldn't have tolerated a guy who planned on ducking out on her at the first sign of trouble.

Not just because that was the mark of a coward, but also because Faye knew that if someone else ran, she'd run herself in the opposite direction.

Sighing, Faye allowed some of the stress and frustration to bleed free as she walked to the nearest table, sliding to a seat and threading her fingers automatically through her hair. "I don't know what there is really to say," she remarked, brow knit. "We... didn't use protection? I'm pretty sure it was the Mardi Gras party. Being an idiot, I wore a dress I knew he wouldn't be able to turn down. We didn't make it back to the hut; he took me up into this, like, hayloft."

[attitude]

Lips parting to speak, Faye found her mouth clamping shut again. Nothing was wrong, precisely. (And yet, it was, in the sense that Faye didn't know that she would ever be prepared for what was coming up in less than a year.) But Faye didn't even know where to begin. She hadn't even come close to breaching this topic before with Edward.

"Did anyone ever give you the birds and the bees talk?" Faye asked, frowning apprehensively. "Do you know where babies come from, Edward?"

[radical_cowgirl]

"Edward read the books." The book shelf had given her a whole stack of them not too long ago. It was data, like anything else, she just read it and moved on.

But she still hadn't made the connection because the idea of Faye with a child was... the idea of Faye with a child. Edward knew she let her stay out of habit and because Edward was the last. The last from home.

Well, Ein, but Faye probably didn't count Ein the way Edward did.

[notfaking_it]

Sliding into the chair across from Faye, Lily leaned her elbows on the table, watching her friend closely. She was frustrated, probably freaked out, that much was obvious and Lily knew she couldn't blame her for that. If the same thing happened to her, she'd probably be angry at herself for letting it happen, worried about the outcome, about what it might mean for herself and for whoever she was involved with.

Although Lily had been safe on the island, she knew accidents could happen and given her involvement with several people, she might not even know who the father was.

"And you're not excited?" she asked, which she could understand as well. It couldn't be easy, especially not here, where she knew people disappeared all the time and without any warning.

[victorofthe65th]

Finnick is halfway out of his chair before he stops, brow furrowing at how quickly Faye shakes her head, feeling suddenly powerless to help her.

But at least that's something he's grown more accustomed to lately.

And then she locks in that one missing piece and it all makes sense. Finnick's eyes go wide and, for a second he nearly laughs. "You're pregnant? That's- I mean. Wow. That's... wow. Congratulations?"

[little_moons]

"I didn't carry 'em. I mean, in case you were confused 'bout that," I point out flatly. I was there, from the time they were born, but I didn't really got to know what the day to day'd be like, 'til they were about one.

Even so, that's not the kind of shit I feel qualified to give advice about, unsolicited.

[attitude]

"Okay," Faye sighed, feeling some margin of relief over the fact that wouldn't have to be the one to explain the mechanics of everything to Edward. Faye wasn't prepared to dive into that level of detail. Still, she rubbed at the back of her neck, finding that even the simplest of sentences became quite difficult to say aloud.

Out with it, Faye.

"Well... guess I can be your lesson in being careful," she added, tone slightly quieter. "I'm pregnant, Edward."

[attitude]

Faye glanced over her shoulder, checking for anyone around who might have taken it upon themselves to let Dean know. Seeing no one, Faye sighed deeply and shook her head, rubbing the back of her neck before straightening, pulling her shoulders back and trying to manage some amount of dignity. Just because she was pregnant didn't mean that she had to let herself entirely go.

"Not really," she admitted, wincing at the words. "And I know that sounds awful, but I... didn't plan for this. I never would have planned for this. I mean, come on, Lily, you know me— is there really any part of me that screams maternal? I'm supposed to be flying through the sky and living day to day, not saddled with a kid I wouldn't even know how to care for."

[manwithoutfear]

"Where were you headed?" I ask, wondering if I won't have company for supper. With the change in the environment and the unique challenges it brings, it's been easier to dine with the general population the past few weeks, rather than learn how to operate period appliances on my own.

"I was just going to eat, if you'd like to join me."

[radical_cowgirl]

Edward kept walking, the realization of what Faye had just said not quite penetrating the confused haze this conversation was casting over her head. But when it did sink in, when Edward realized that Faye was asking about kids because Faye was really getting one, she tripped. Her feet just... stopped and the rest of her didn't. She tumbled all the way to the floor and looked up, blinking.

Faye-Faye was going to have a family. Like Edward used to have. Faye-Faye was going to have a family.

[attitude]

"'Good luck' would probably be more accurate," Faye replies, rolling her eyes, although she keeps her gaze mostly trained on Finnick, watching the way in which he reacts. Naturally, he doesn't seem upset— and why would he? It's not his child, and as far as most people are concerned, a kid is good news on the island. But there's something beyond that in his expression, Faye leaning forward and squinting, as though she might be able to pick it out.

"So what's so wow about it? The fact that I don't seem like typical mom material?" she asks, doubt already seeping into her voice. That can't be it. Skepticism or incredulity would take a greater turn for the negative, Faye thinks. "Or are you just glad for Dean? Clearly he's good at taking care of kids."

[attitude]

"It's not carrying them I'm worried about," I fire right back, lips pressed thin in irritation. "I mean, sure, I don't like the idea of stretch marks and god only knows I don't need more help in the chest department, but carrying them's just about eating right, exercising... I can do that. It's the after that I don't have a club about."

I rub the heel of my hand against my eyes. "It's worse than flying blind."

Flying scared.

[victorofthe65th]

In truth, Finnick really doesn't know Dean that well, though he has seen the man with a kid or two in tow before and he does seem to know what he's doing. Certainly has a better idea than Finnick.

But that isn't it.

"No, it's not-" He cuts himself with a somewhat awkward laugh, ducking his head to scratch the back of his neck before glancing over at her again. "Annie's pregnant. We, uh... found out a few weeks ago."

[notfaking_it]

Lily laughs, not because it's really that funny, but it's true, certainly. "It doesn't sound awful," she says. Anyone is bound to have doubts, especially someone who hadn't been planning on having a family, she expects being at least a little bit afraid is entirely normal. "I mean, if it was me, I'd probably be the furthest thing from excited."

She shrugs, looking around as well, just to be sure. "You're just being honest, right?" she asks. "Have you talked to Dean about this?" She suspects that it hasn't been brought up. If it had been, she wouldn't be looking around to make sure that no one was here listening to them.

[little_moons]

"I think that's... kinda normal?" I say, which probably isn't much comfort. At all. But whatever. "I mean, the girls are almost five, and I'm still fuckin' terrified, most of the time."

They should be starting school, soon. Or whatever fuckin' equivalent we can come up with, around here. They're already learning their ABCs and simple math and they can parrot back some of the books I read to 'em. They're learning stuff everything single day, and they're getting so, so big. It's kind of crazy.

[attitude]

"That was exactly where I was headed," I reply, offering a slight grin that he'll never see. I wonder, vaguely, if that's the sort of thing that you can hear in a voice. Whether or not people are smiling, when indeed it isn't all that bright of a smile to begin with. How many emotions can you detect in a person when you remove one of your senses?

Something I probably never want to learn.

"My apologies in advance if I find myself needing to ditch halfway through," I warn him, stepping close to hook my arm around his, just make the process easier. "Uneasy stomach."

[attitude]

"Ed!"

Out of all of the possible reactions, Faye didn't honestly expect for Edward to go tumbling, and she found herself immediately worried, brow furrowed. Was it sheer shock? Was it Edward starting to be upset? Most importantly, she hoped that Edward hadn't overly injured herself with the tumble; as resilient as the teenager had proven to be, Faye knew that one could only be so hardy.

"Edward, are you okay?" she asked, quickly dropping to her knees and helping Edward up, hands wrapped around the girl's shoulders.

[radical_cowgirl]

"Edward is fine." She clambered to her feet, not looking at Faye because she didn't know what her face was doing. Faye-Faye was really good at reading Edward's face (not that it was ever hard), but she didn't want Faye to see this. Because Edward didn't know what it was. She felt something. She felt something a lot, but she didn't have a name for it and it might be bad and she didn't want Faye to think that it was bad about her because...

...she would leave.

So after a moment, Edward smiled. She knew she could do that. Do it good enough maybe to fool Faye when she looked up. "Ed is fine."