keep those eyes open
Jun. 15th, 2012 10:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
attitudeTo be honest, it still makes me nervous. How am I even here? How is this even my life? You'd think that a girl, at some point, might feel like she's seen everything. I'd been running for years, and if there's anything true about life on the run, it's that you see more. You're exposed to more. You're forced to look fast and tuck it away. You would think that my imagination's stretched far enough by now, that I might actually be able to picture life, paused. Or life as spread out under the sun.
But here's the truth: I can't even begin to imagine every passing hour these days. I can't imagine myself like this, standing at the doorstep of a man who loves me, a man I love in return, one worth loving. And me, in that way. Everything my parents wanted for their little girl, really, minus the fifty years spent in a chamber and the lack of a ring on my finger.
Were I more of an idealist, I might point out that this is when little girls say they're all grown up.
It's only when Redtail is finally parked and carefully nestled among the trees that Faye stops to consider it all. Stares distantly at her new home, the door of the craft open and a hand covering her growing belly, fingers slightly curved, as though protecting a secret. Her body doesn't feel much like her body these days, everything aching and moods lighting faster than oil under sparks, but on the other hand, the world's slowed down to a languid spin, and for once, Faye thinks she's managing to hold on.
This feels like the right choice. And something about that last flight of her craft felt final in its way, even though Faye knows she'll take the sky again at some point. There's enough fuel to. There's just no... hurry.
Because she might have found that place. It's the best feeling in the world, isn't it? Belonging.
But here's the truth: I can't even begin to imagine every passing hour these days. I can't imagine myself like this, standing at the doorstep of a man who loves me, a man I love in return, one worth loving. And me, in that way. Everything my parents wanted for their little girl, really, minus the fifty years spent in a chamber and the lack of a ring on my finger.
Were I more of an idealist, I might point out that this is when little girls say they're all grown up.
It's only when Redtail is finally parked and carefully nestled among the trees that Faye stops to consider it all. Stares distantly at her new home, the door of the craft open and a hand covering her growing belly, fingers slightly curved, as though protecting a secret. Her body doesn't feel much like her body these days, everything aching and moods lighting faster than oil under sparks, but on the other hand, the world's slowed down to a languid spin, and for once, Faye thinks she's managing to hold on.
This feels like the right choice. And something about that last flight of her craft felt final in its way, even though Faye knows she'll take the sky again at some point. There's enough fuel to. There's just no... hurry.
Because she might have found that place. It's the best feeling in the world, isn't it? Belonging.