attitude | give us back a taste of the way things were before they made the laws

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dean winchester

give us back a taste of the way things were before they made the laws

A deathwish is usually made long before it's realized. Before she was ever made Valentine, Faye was the type of girl who chased after dreams and would leap off the edge of a cliff without looking down. Reckless abandon was encouraged by a pair of parents so caring and attentive that she never wanted for anything, parents who cleared the path of brambles and branches for their daughter, never letting her feel so much as a scratch. To the girl who lived a life of safety, danger and risk were intoxicating and quickened the heart in a way that not even love could, forming thoughts that persisted even when memories had long since faded and broken away.

From early on, Faye was made to be a hunter.

It shows now, in the bright red that runs down from her knee and the harsh breathing that barely manages to fill her lungs. Her gun is held still and the aim true, save for the slight rattle of the weapon that comes from hands being raised through sheer willpower alone. All around Faye, their blood painting books dusty from disuse, are the bodies of Splicers. Figures, she's murmured to herself, that they'd all be hiding out behind stacks of books. Figures, that even men who lose their minds are nothing other than cowards.

Her breath is ragged with a slight protest, an unwillingness on Faye's part to let go. She just has one more. One more Splicer, who lopes around with predatory intent, that Faye needs to put down. She can do it. She could do it. But her vision is starting to swim and adrenaline is learning to fade, replaced by fatigue as her heel grinds against tile and startles the creature, inspires a flying rage.

"Shit," she bites out, raising her voice as she stumbles back, firing a couple of shots that barely clip its shoulder. "Dammit, hold still!"

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For the longest moment she just stands there, looking at him like she wants to take a step closer, and god - despite the bodies lying all around, the blood on both their faces, he wants her to. He wants her to do what he's still too afraid to do and take that step, but she doesn't.

Dean's breath leaves him all at once, disappointment warring with relief that he hasn't fallen yet, is neither climbing nor slipsliding towards something he can't escape from. Never mind that what he's hiding from could save him. It could hurt him, and he's spent so long hurting already. He needs to stop being so goddamn reckless around her, needs to be careful. He believes that, too, armor almost up and settled familiar on his shoulders, right up to the moment she calls to see if he's coming, and Dean is moving at a speed that shouldn't be left in his tired limbs.

He catches up with her as the hallway expands, close at her side as they journey towards the bathysphere that will take them home. His hands won't seem to behave, almost reaching for hers before he stops them, hovering near the small of her back, little touches that are surely meant to reassure himself more than her, but after everything, Dean can't be sure that they'd be welcome. If anything, Faye's given every indication that she prefers to do things on her own, and she can climb into a bathysphere without help, can hit its buttons without Dean close by her side, but here he is, lips still tingling and eyes never straying far. Even in the faded light of Rapture, she's so goddamn beautiful, an angry flush high in her cheeks that only makes her eyes brighter, and Dean finds himself reaching despite all the ways he's tried not to, smoothing violet locks back from the cut along her hairline.

"Sorry," he says quietly, and even as he says it, he doesn't know what it's for. Everything, maybe, the things he can control and all the ones he can't, for his hands on her and the way he can't seem to make himself stop. "Faye."

Whether or not Dean can see the lines carefully drawn around Faye's person— and she suspects that he can after all that they've shared— he continues treading along every single one. The heat of his hand that hovers by her back draws her eyes momentarily to a close, but the plan to cut off all senses backfires, a wash of darkness highlighting the sensation of touch. She opens them, just in time to watch his hand pull close, too near for focus as his nails carefully push back strands of hair, treating her with a gentleness that she doesn't want. That she doesn't need. But most importantly, that she can't afford to grow accustomed to. Perhaps trust is what Faye Valentine is in the greatest need of now, the lack forcing her to build walls that everyone on the island seems keen on tearing down. It's a tiresome process.

Even now, with the apology being his greatest weapon of all, Faye finds herself assuming the worst. Is sorry enough? Is it sincere, or does he see the flaws and weaknesses that Faye so carefully tries to hide from the rest of the populace? She's been running for so long, in one way or another, and every muscle in her body tells her not to stop now, that it'll only result in pain and loss— but she keeps on hitting snags, and Dean Winchester is one of them. She doesn't take a single breath as his fingers brush gently by her temple, but instead settles on the color of his eyes, her own darkened with anger. She isn't even sure where she should direct any of it, isn't sure that she wants to try, so it stays contained, pounds in her ears and against her chest.

"Stop it," she murmurs, the glance towards his hand more afraid than it is angry, her breath rushing back in a quaver. "Don't apologize unless you mean it. Don't apologize to the wrong person." It strikes her then, that maybe it isn't her he really wants to apologize to. Maybe it's a flash of golden hair, maybe it's the curve of a playful smile, and even though she knows that they aren't the same person, it's Julia who shows up in Faye's memories now. Beautiful, driven, and completely out of reach.

There's a soft sound that escapes her throat as she steps back just enough to hit the last lever that'll take them back to the Welcome Center, to the pavilion that leads home. The lurch of movement proves to be the last straw, Faye's brow knitting as she rushes forward again, palm over his hip until she's pushed both of them against the bathysphere wall, a brief kiss that catches air before she deepens that too, hair whipping out of place again, to where it splays over her cheek. Whether she's angry, whether she's scared, or whether she wants this, none of that seems to matter anymore. It's all and none at once.

He wants to tell her he's not, that she's not the wrong person, she's the only one he's speaking to, but is that even true? Dean's lived so much in so few years, he has so much to mourn and to regret, more than he could ever fix with a one word apology. It doesn't seem fair that the same single word could invoke so much, but it does, and he reels with the lurch of the elevator, too.

Reels and just keeps falling, because she's back, warm and alive and with him, and Dean's hands are as helpless as they've ever been to stay away, spreading eagerly over the rich swell of her hips to drag her closer. His blood's been close to boiling all day, first the thrill of the fight, then anger, now this, want bubbling up and over, overtaking his senses and his good sense, too, because they're in a goddamn elevator and he wants to eat her alive, see her as bare as he feels, the quick catches of skin beneath his fingers not enough. "Faye," he says, reclaiming her mouth, kissing her with everything he has like he can will her not to stop. "Faye," he says, and then again, so at least she'll know that, despite all the ways in which Dean is fucked up, he knows who it is he's here with, who he wants.

It's the sound of her name on his lips that drives a shiver down her back, that slides like ice but settles in with a warmth, one much like the fingers that splay over her hip, her thigh. While Faye's outfit has always been one designed to allow easy movement, what she's grateful for now is how much it allows her to feel. His thumbs are calloused, rough, but the touch is still gentle as Faye ends up being the half that's anything but, her hips grinding roughly against his, a breath catching in her throat. "Dean," she whispers before she can fully find her voice, scared of the way it makes her heart lurch, scared of how much she wants him, of how the prospect of being alone scares her more than it has in years. Her teeth tug at his lower lip, before she deepens the kiss again, hooking her fingers around his belt and jerking it close, before her fingers work to deftly unclasp the buckle.

She manages to think better of running her teeth along his jaw, the shape of which she's practically seared into memory, and traces the bridge of her nose along the curve instead. Tugging the zipper roughly down, Faye's hand slipped under his boxers, taking his length in hand, lips momentarily curving into a wicked grin. "Hi there," she smiles, pressing a brief kiss to his lips, searching, tasting him.

"H-hi," Dean stutters, stupid with the hot bolt of pleasure that courses through him at her sudden touch, all the blood he might have used crafting a more eloquent reply surging downwards, hardening him in the loose circle of her hand. Even after everything, after the kiss, a part of him hadn't believed that this would happen, that she'd go for it, but she has, and Dean makes a shivery but steady effort to get his shit together. He might be a sadbastard shell of the man he used to be, but he still knows how to show a lady a good time, goddammit.

His hands shake when he lifts them, but he gets the one button of her shirt undone, nearly losing his knees all over again when it comes open just like that. "Faye," he says again, and he knows he sounds a little too eager, too desperate, but he's been alone for so long now, not wanting anyone for months, but here underground, surrounded by death and danger and Faye, Dean feels alive again.

"God," he exhales, unable to resist a moment longer, one hand curving around the heavy weight of her breast, the other at the back of her neck to steady her when Dean seals his mouth over hers, hungry for her in each and every way he can get.

There have been very few times in Faye's experience when she has actually regretted her specific choice in clothing, but now she finds herself conflicted. A rush of cold air hits skin, draws a sharp intake through her teeth before Dean has her in his palm, his thumb running roughly against her skin. It stalls her movement suddenly, a soft hum on her lips even through the kiss, hungry and trying to fill a void in her heart, one that she hasn't allowed to ache since Spike's departure— but as is quickly becoming a pattern, it's always Dean Winchester breaking her down, pulling her with him.

When she comes up for breath, Faye pushes away enough to try and reach for the lever and controls of the bathysphere, bringing them to another slow halt. There's a part of her, too, that finds comfort in a decision finally made, in being too far invested to step away now, her hands desperately working at his shirt, tugging with enough fervor that she can feel a few strings snap, threads woven through the buttons loosening before one falls to the floor of the bathysphere with a clatter.

"I thought I was supposed to be the one with the difficult clothing," she quips with a grin, her hands shaking as they roughly tug his shirt down, eyes lazily tracing along the tattoo partially exposed before leaning in, tracing along the ink with open-mouthed kisses and teeth lightly grazing skin.

"Thought I was comin' in here all business," Dean grunts before losing his voice to a groan, her teeth sharp and unexpected against his skin. He's half tangled up in machete straps and extra casings, slid from his shoulders and wrapped round his elbows, but Dean shrugs them violently off, the smallest bite of her teeth enough to having him moving rough and reckless. Surging forward, he grabs her up, hands beneath her ass and lifting until her long legs are wrapped around his waist.

"We're really doin' this," he murmurs, half to himself, and then he's lost to the soft warmth of her breasts, stubble scraping over delicate skin before he tempers himself, sets his lips to the spot and soothes with his tongue. It's been forever since he had his face between a woman's breasts, and he feels as eager as a child, but he only means to be half as clumsy.

While he doesn't need the help, Faye finds her hands grabbing at the straps, pushing them off Dean's shoulders as quickly as she can with an edge of desperation on her breath. It's the only way she can keep from thinking too much, preventing her from lingering on the spot, from roots taking hold, even as something starts to stir inside her chest. Every time she grows close to someone, it ends up just being a matter of time until they leave, but they've already fallen too far now, and all Faye can do is relish his hands running over her thighs, the way that her weight settles easily against him, the way she can feel his breath rise against her own and know that, for the moment, everything they do is in tandem.

Her gaze rises towards the ceiling of the bathysphere as his lips press against her breast, tongue hot against her skin. Faye honestly can't remember the last time a man paid close attention to her needs, and all she can feel now is overwhelmed, surprised, fingers desperately weaving through his hair as her breath hitches. "You'd better believe it," she breathes, eyes dark when they open again, clouded with want. "It won't be pretty if you stop now."

Legs wrapped tightly around his waist, Faye slips her feet out of her boots, each landing on the floor of the submarine with a hollow thud, before she nudges a heel against the small of Dean's back, insistent, rolling her hips with the movement.

She rolls against him just right, just like she's been made to fit there, and Dean washes hot all over, toes curling in his boots. He hears the thunk of her own behind him, and knows instinctively that he'll never get that far. He wants her too much, too badly, but hell. Won't be the first time he's fucked with his boots on.

It's a filthy thought, but it seems to match everything about this day - the dank and dark of Rapture, the bodies they've left behind, all the unspeakable things he wants to do to the woman wrapped around his waist. He feels a sudden need to make up for it, make it good, but he thinks he'll settle for making her scream.

Peeling her hands from him, Dean wraps her fingers around the support rail of the bathysphere, drops her legs from his waist and then drops himself to his knees. Catching her waist in his hands, Dean nuzzles at the soft skin of her belly, deft fingers pulling those little shorts she wears open and down. "Definitely not stopping," he breathes hot against her, sealing his mouth over where she's already wet through her underwear.

For a second, she thinks that she might really have scared him off. The way that the warmth of his hands leaves her, the way that he sets her gently down against the rail that winds around the perimeter of the bathysphere, even guides her hands and helps her find support. And the truth of the matter is, when Faye Valentine scares people away, she doesn't try to hang on. Not anymore. Sometimes, the fractures in one's heart dig too deep, and in this, Spike Spiegel is the one to blame. There's nothing more painful that Faye has experienced than losing something that someone fights hard to keep. Her breath stills, preparing for that sigh.

It never quite arrives.

There's a touch of alarm in Faye's eyes when she continues to watch Dean's movement, the panic arising from where Faye has, in her years, remained fairly inexperienced. Desire is something which isn't easy to wield. It's far simpler to lose oneself blindly in the pleasure than it is to remain considerate— or at least, Faye tries to convince herself of that fact, the only way to explain all the times she's been left rather unfulfilled in the rare evenings when loneliness turns into desperation. But this is different, the tough of rough fingers brushing gently over her skin, the bridge of his nose pressed against her side, and suddenly she feels impossibly young. No longer jaded, and instead overwhelmed.

"Oh god," she murmurs, breath hitching as her hands grip the bar tight, knuckles stretching to bone white. A whimper fights to escape from her lips even as she presses them tightly together, toes curling as a heel meets the wall with a clang of metal. "God, Dean."

Even through the haze of her mind, she can't help thinking: her cover's blown.

Edited 2011-08-23 03:16 (UTC)

Dean hums, his lips parting in a smile before he nips at her, fingers hooked in the waistband to peel her panties down. He goes slow, gives her time to protest, even after everything that's come before, but there's something almost shy in her voice, in the way she tries not to speak.

"I like the way you say my name," he says as he pulls her leg gently over his shoulder. They're words he's spoken before, usually with a cocky quirk of his brow, but this time he really means it. The words aren't a boast, they're an invitation. He wants her to enjoy this, to let go, be loud, god, he wants to hear it.

Ducking his head, he kisses up the delicate skin of her inner thigh, but this time he doesn't stop, and when he reaches the sweet, hot core of her, Dean's tongue flicks out, every part of him eager to taste her.

There's a warmth that dusts her cheeks and a chill that crawls down her leg as Faye stares down at Dean with a disbelieving expression, one that pierces through a haze. Even the feather-light sensations seem to light her afire, but still she tries to hold herself back, as though the slightest disturbance might pull her out of the dream, call them back to their senses. Even now, there's a part of her that's running, that has no idea what to do with that look in his eyes, even if she manages to return it unconsciously.

She's not sure she wants to know what this is. Whether or not anything will come of it. His lips press hot against her thigh, rough stubble brushing each kiss away, and there are words that threaten to tumble through her lips. Wanting this faster. Harder. To the point where she can't breath. "Dean—"

But his tongue brushes against her again, and this time her groan is lower, caught in her throat before it passes through her lips with a quaver. Somewhere along the line, her hands have dropped, fingers weaving through his hair. She hopes she hasn't tugged too hard, thighs hugging either side of him, chest rising and falling.

"Fuck," she whispers. "Don't make me get all sentimental, Winchester. That's supposed to come after."

"I have my way," he murmurs, heady with the taste of her, her scent all around him, "there's gonna be a couple afters." Ducking his head, Dean sets himself to the task in earnest, and god, it's been forever since he tasted a woman. She's warm and sweet, hot when he narrows his tongue and pushes, seeking entrance.

He can't help but groan when he finds it, can't get far, not even when he grips her ass to bring her even closer, but it's still good, all tight, slick heat that he wants to slip his fingers through next, his dick. "Faye," he mutters into her skin, face a mess for the quick second he looks up at her, heel of one hand at his own groin and pressing hard. Christ, he could almost come from this, just from the sounds she makes. "C'mon, pull my hair if you wanna, I don't mind."

In the back of her mind, Faye knows what's supposed to happen, knows the act that most quickly endears her to most of the hunters that she's swindled after a night of so-called passion— toss her hair back, arch her back, make use of her curves. Somehow, today, she can't quite follow through. There's nothing graceful in the way that her hand drops to the nape of his neck, nails dragging against the skin. Nothing graceful about the shudder of her breath, or the way her muscles tense. "Fuck," she grits. "Fuck, Dean, I'm not gon—"

Shuddering, Faye leans back, feeling her hair snag against the uneven surface of the cool metal behind her and heat cooling over, under she shivers by the time the wave hits her toes. The cry which passes through her lips is so high, it's embarrassing, Faye biting roughly down on her lower lip to stifle it as best she can. When he doesn't stop, her head snaps back and forth, lips gasping for breath as she presses into the wall.

Swallowing thickly, her throat parched, Faye grabs a hold of his chin as best she can, coaxing his gaze up.

"Give me a kiss before I change my mind," she instructs him, voice sharp and insistent. No obscenities, no softening of her tone— it's an order, for all that her arms feel weak and her fingers still shake.

Dean looks up at her, color high in his cheeks and pupils blown wide as he stares, so turned on he's nearly uncomprehending. He gets with the program though, wipes the back of his hand against his mouth and stands to meet her.

"Like the way you sound," he murmurs, and fuck, he might as well just tell her he likes everything, because his body's not exactly making it a secret. He's so hard he's lightheaded, and even the smallest brush of her body against the tent in his boxers makes him want to die. He tries to be gentle, but he wants her so much, and when Dean kisses her it's hard and hungry.

All it takes is the heat of his lips and the feel of his skin pressed against hers as she wraps an arm around his shoulders— suddenly, she's alive again. Faye tastes herself on his lips, and that itself creates conflict in her senses, one detail so familiar, the other a freshly branded memory. Pressing her body flush against his, Faye feels her nipples harden against his chest before she shifts, wrapping long legs around his waist to yank him closer.

"Like your everything. 'Cept when you're telling me off," she breathes, letting her lips trail along his jaw, lightly sucking at the skin of his neck and feeling his pulse rush underneath. Trailing fingers against his abdomen, Faye lets her fingers find their way under his boxers again, pressing against his hardness before wrapping her hand around his cock with a swift stroke. Teeth tracing against the lobe of his ear, Faye whispers into the shell, surprisingly coy in spite of everything— usually, she doesn't spare many words for this. "Wanna feel you inside me."

Dean makes a sound like he's dying, and for a moment, the only sound of assent that follows is the sharp intake of his breath, each tiny shuddering exhale staccato sharp against her skin. "Want that," he growls into her throat, "want you."

Shoving his boxers down, he stills her hand on him as gently as he can with trembling fingers, so close already that if she keeps touching him, he's gonna go off. "Wanted you forever, god, Faye," he groans, lined up and ready though he doesn't slide home, some part of him afraid that somehow, in the next moment, this delirious fantasy will be gone. "Make it so good for you, I promise, just let me," he gasps, "Let me, let me - "

"Don't talk to me," she breathes, voice deep and rough where she presses her lips against his temple, feeling her whole body freeze with the effort not to make a single misstep, "about wanting someone forever." Evenings spent alone quickly come to mind, the brush of fingers over the flat of her stomach, a movement that she repeats now, before letting her fingertips skim over to his skin, down the line of his spine, pressing against his ass. She hikes a leg, resting it against his hip and wrapping it around his waist, leaving him without a choice. His voice thrums against her skin, deeper than she expected. For everything that he was capable of earlier, all the direction her took, there's something vulnerable about this, right now.

Not in the frailty of a choice, so much as a fear of the future that she catches in his eyes, clouded. And it makes her feel safe.

Her mind doesn't linger tonight on what that means.

"Don't make promises," she continues, voice hitching. "Just make me scream."

Her voice whips through him like a wind, and for once there's no goad there, all this crap designed to make it meaningless something Faye really thinks she believes, and all at once Dean does want to make her scream. It's the same shit he tells himself every night, but right here and now he's sick of it, he wants to feel, and by god she's going to feel it, too.

There's a fuck you there when he opens his mouth, but he says it with his hips instead, slides forward and in in in, deep into tight, wet heat. "Gonna learn how you like it," he says against her ear, pulls his hips back to thrust again, his hands tight on her hips to angle her to take him just so. "Gonna make you wish you weren't too stubborn to come back for more."

She inhales, sharp, back arching. It's been too long. Too long since she's last felt the press of someone's warmth against her, skin practically alight with heat, the pulse of his heart hammering through every brush of skin against skin. Words pass by her without meaning. A cry falls from her lips, surprisingly open, unguarded, as she peers through shadowed eyes, watchful. Her hips roll, demanding— there's a place for a gentle touch, and this isn't it, not with the fire that practically sears through his very being, anger and determination in the set of his lips that she leans forward to quickly capture, words muffled against skin as she takes him further in. "Mmmphfuck," she cries against his lips, desperate, fingers dragging down his back, and the spill of shadowed light in the bathysphere over his face only makes her watch more, catching every turn in expression.

He wears his heart on his sleeve, today.

But there's a suspicion that lingers on the edge of Faye's mind as well, as she feels her heart hammering enough to practically leap from her chest. And that's just it.

"Who said anything," she manages, voice pulled taut and strained, "about not coming back for more?"

"Who's making promises now?" Dean demands, yanking his mouth away to bite at her throat, teeth sealing roughly over tender flesh. Fuck you echoes in his head, but he's not sure who he's cursing anymore, and it doesn't matter. The fury in his heart is leading him somewhere good, and Dean follows, guardless, reckless, hips moving him into her deeper still.

God, he wants to take her apart. Instead, he bunches up his discarded shirt, pinned ridiculously between their bodies, and shoves it behind her back, providing a support he's not sure he'll soon have the wherewithal to ensure. Pulling back, Dean thrusts in hard, counts the painful strain in his neck as acceptable when he leans down and rolls her nipple hard between his teeth.

"Not me," she breathes, the word ending on a low groan as she bites down on her lower lip, arching back, raising herself to press against the lips on her breast. She can't remember the last time— can't remember it ever being like this at all. She can feel his anger wrapped around her neck like a threat, yet the shirt holding her flush against him is secure, doesn't let up for even an instant. Refuses to let go. That's probably the point, with him. A boy grown up too soon. "Won't promise to stay, won't promise to go. Isn't that perfect? You don't have to care, Dean."

But the words, her own, cut suddenly, and she blinks back the emotion in spite of herself, before ducking down to find his lips again. Breathes harshly again, a sharp rush of air as their lips part, another roll of her hips until they grind against his own, the pain nothing but a thrill. "Dean," she repeats, but the second time, it's his name alone as she cranes her neck, pressing further, tasting herself on his lips. Her thighs press against either side of him with each thrust, like she might keep him there a bit longer, under her terms, and hers alone.

Dean doesn't hear the second, thoughts stuck on the first and skipping like a scratched and busted record. The fuck you makes it all the way out of his mouth this time, not in words but in stupid, pained little grunts timed to his every exhale. Don't care, yeah right. Might as well ask him to lay down and die, and even so, there are heavy days when Dean almost thinks he would if it could just be that simple.

But it isn't, and his fingers curl, knuckles striking hard against the wall even as his hips never miss a beat.

It's the sound of a fist ringing against the metal wall that jolts Faye out of the haze, her entire body tense, and a flash of fear passing before her eyes. The last thing that she wants to see is this. Now. The days of expecting romance are long gone for her, and she knows this is only now, this is only the moment, a moment that may well disappear as soon as night turns to day, passing through their fingers like so much sand. God, it shouldn't mean anything. Shouldn't mean half as much as it does. But he's not looking at her, and somehow, it matters enough, enough that her hands scramble for his jaw, lips hovering only inches away from his.

She asks for an apology with eyes bright, though what it's for, she still isn't sure she entirely knows. Intimacy hangs around them like a shroud, one that the fire can't quite touch, and this time when Faye leans in, it's to kiss the corner of his mouth, her thumb running down his cheek, even as the kiss is punctuated by a gasp as a thrill passes through her, to her toes, sending a small shudder through her. Forcing her free hand to drag down his side, holding him close.

Dean feels her shiver, fingers gripping at her thigh to pull their bodies as flush as they'll go. He never knows what he's getting with her, rarely ever cares, the simple thrill of feeling his body respond to someone again enough, but today he doesn't know what he wants. It's too simple to believe it's only pleasure, but stuck down here, it's all they have.

"Just come," he says, reaching to press his thumb to her clit, and god, if he only gets one thing right this month, let it be this. "Please, just come for me."

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